Death can be a good thing
Thursday, June 11th, 2009This is a post about something that happened last Sunday, June 7th.
Pastor James had preached about sin – the nature of sin and what we should do when we are struggling. I remember one thing he said that really stood out to me, because it’s so significant and I had even realized it before, only to have completely forgotten it until now. He said that when we struggle with sin, it is because of the reality of the pleasure of that sin; it is more real to us than God. The comfort, pleasure and excitement promised by these seem more real than the distant promises, truths and even warnings of God. I hope I don’t forget again.
At the end of the service, PJ came back up, saying that he didn’t usually do this but wanted everyone who sought freedom from sin in their lives to stand up, even kneel at the front, to be prayed for. I’m always a little scared when it comes to these things, but I wanted to be free more than anything else, so I went and so did many others. PJ and many others prayed over us and I cried, knowing I had let the greatest reality of all slip into insignificance. Please God, be more real to me than anything else…
For almost 2 and a half years now, I’ve been struggling with a past relationship. God’s sovereign will had drawn him and his new girlfriend together, both unwilling at first, but nevertheless sure of the direction they were being led in. I had never dated him, but I lost the only person whom I had ever loved or been close to. It forced me to draw closer to God and in doing so, discover such richness and beauty that I had never known, and which would have been impossible for me to see otherwise. So truly, I was thankful for God for that… but more than 2 years later, I was still struggling.
That Sunday night, I was casually browsing around on Facebook (I know, I know), and for the first time in months, visited his profile. What I saw and read hurt like it always did, but this time it struck a new chord in me too. I realized, I do not know this person anymore. He is someone different now. As I thought about this silently, my thoughts reached a natural conclusion: the person I had known, had loved, had been close friends with — that person was dead, he didn’t exist anymore. At first I panicked and instinctively tried to block out those thoughts, because truth be told you couldn’t count the number of days I’ve cried/gotten angry at some point over this with a 12-month calendar, and I’m not the kind of person who exaggerates. When that happens though, you start arranging some mental blocks to prevent it from messing with you (I guess it doesn’t work that well).
But as I sat at my desk, Facebook now closed, side by side was a feeling of incredible relief and freedom. He doesn’t exist anymore, I thought, that person is dead. That’s when I realized that I had never let go of the intimacy, the fact we had enjoyed each other’s company, his character, the little quirks and idiosyncrasies – the person and the relationship. I treasured those, and knew there would never, could never, be anyone the same. That in itself was not wrong, but the fact I hadn’t let go meant that 2 years later, I still wanted and expected certain things and was having the most terrible time dealing with reality. After all, people change, I change, he changed too of course. A season of life has passed, and that’s that.
As I watched the peace fill my heart with that one, simple truth, I realized that I would never cry about it again. What an answer to prayer. It was a truth that no one could have explained to me in a way that I would have accepted.
Praise be to the God of our salvation, who hears us… So many thanks to PJ and Living Water, I love you guys. <3
After pouring out my thanks to God for such amazing grace in setting me free, I did have this question though — why the heck couldn’t it have happened sooner?
Over the last few days as I’ve been thinking about this whole situation, I’ve realized a couple important things. One is that the only way to really recover from a breakup is to accept that the person you were in love with and who loved you is dead… otherwise, there is actually no logical reason to move on, so you don’t. Yes, your mind is working logically even when it’s doing so subconsciously!
Second, I think this applies to relationships and change in general. Have you guys ever felt constrained by the people who’ve known you for some time? It’s hard to change, even when you want to, when everyone already has certain expectations of you or the lack thereof. I think sometimes we need to let the past die so the present can have a chance. And how much more should this apply to brothers and sisters in Christ! Since we know that we have not yet attained perfection, but are continuously being sanctified and made holy by God, we should have great hope in His mighty and unfathomable power to transform each other in big ways, daily. Let’s not become stumbling blocks for each other.
12We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart. 13If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. 14For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
16So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them.
~ 2 Cor 5:12-19
Most of us are keenly aware that whatever this new creation is that Paul talks about, it’s not quite dead to sin and still has a plenty of problems. Then this idea that we’re supposed to be a new creation becomes a burden and a source of guilt. We ought to be convicted to turn our backs on the worldly way of thinking and living, so that we may follow Christ, but I don’t think Paul meant those words to be a burden when he wrote them. The NASB translation of verse 16 is
“Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer.”
This is Paul’s answer to those who take “pride in what is seen” (v. 12): that now, no one is recognized according to their flesh (humanity, I think), but rather according to Christ’s death and resurrection through which we have all become new creations who live for Him. He adds that “All of this is from God who reconciled us to himself through Christ… not counting men’s sins against them” (v. 18-19) — the knowledge of the new creation is not meant to be a burden, because God has done it Himself and it has already happened.
I’m not really sure why I wrote the above. I was actually just trying to quote verse 17, after writing about how we should actively, continuously hope in God’s transforming power for ourselves and for each other.
I hope you guys were blessed by some part of this! And I really am serious about trying to blog/write more. I didn’t go into Arts because I hate writing essays, but I still really like to write in general, oddly enough.