The email was addressed to a lady who works in a division of St. Paul’s Hospital in downtown Vancouver. She’s been my primary correspondent, but I’ve had the chance to speak with the rest of the team through a Skype video call. But no matter, because I will be seeing and talking to them a good deal in the next few years, however long God wills it.

Maybe it seems odd to write about starting a job — because that’s precisely what it is — in such a dramatic manner. But as my first “real” job, it means a huge change in the way I live everyday, especially since I’m moving home after 2 years away. I can’t help but be apprehensive.

I wrote a couple weeks ago how I was convicted that my next step should be to work, for the sake of God’s name. The truth is that I continued to struggle with it afterwards, daily reasoning with myself and reminding myself why I must do this. It wasn’t until the moment I made the decision to accept that all my objections were laid to rest. It’s not that the reasons for working are weak, but rather that they represent a kind of thinking that doesn’t come naturally to me. If I’ve had few a deep conversations with you before, then you probably know that I’m very idealistic. So the conversation I kept having in my head went, God, surely my parents can still honor your name even if I do missions. They could come to understand that you do provide so the financial burden is not on them, that missions is not an excuse to play, that to know you is truly an amazing thing. Wouldn’t that be best? Shouldn’t I push forward, run the race, trust you with the details? There must be some mistake… this can’t be the right direction to go, living for my parents’ approval instead of yours. And even if I am willing for the sake of your honor, you said that we would be insulted, persecuted, regarded as foolish because of you, the very thing I seem to be trying to avoid. I don’t understand…

Even writing this down stirs up some of the same confusion and desperation that I felt before. I mentioned that I am very idealist in my thinking. I have another confession to make: I am also almost always sure that I am right. I’ve always believed and still believe, whether correctly or incorrectly, that everything can be logically explained or understood. Thus I automatically become very convinced of any logical conclusion that I reach. But I realized this — logic can only take you as far as what you start with. If I start with partially correct or incomplete truths, then whatever I deduce logically will only be partially correct or incomplete at best, and completely wrong or nonsensical at worst. Despite that, it’s still easy for me to talk myself into confusion or depression. I do it all the time, forgetting the limits of my understanding. And the only thing that saves me time and time again is the amazing, unchanging grace of God to remind me and show me that his truth is greater than all I know or understand, and his forgiveness and kindness and faithfulness cover me even in the deepest seasons of doubting both myself and him.

And so, it’s not correct to draw such a distinction between work and missions. Work is to be approached with the God-centered, gospel-glorifying attitude shown in Titus 2:5,8,10, and missions with the same. They are not so different, except that work involves more of the particular demands of men, which we may willingly submit ourselves to for the sake of God’s honor, and so that we may make a living and help those in need. In Colossians 3, Paul addresses slaves to obey their masters as if working for the Lord, saying,

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

What a comfort and relief it must have been to know that even if they should spend the rest of their lives only serving men, they are really serving Christ and will be rewarded by him! Though I am not a slave, I will work for someone. Pray that I will not be discouraged by the appearance of work, but to go about it whole-heartedly — not behaving out of fear of men, but with integrity before God.

Now what of persecution? Even persecution within families should be expected (Luke 12:51-53), so why should I work so hard to be approved of? Because it is Christ who brings division (v. 51), even as we are called to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9) and be blameless before men (Titus 2:8).

All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.

~ Matthew 10:22

But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it?

~ 1 Peter 2:20

But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.

~ 1 Peter 3:15-17

But I know I have not seen the last of the missions field.