On the mercy of God
Thursday, October 8th, 2009I wrote a few months ago how I believed that everything could be explained logically, but that understanding the logic is conditional upon complete and correct knowledge. That is to say, a straight line from point A to point B exists, but I may or may not be able to see it.
I will say what Martin Luther did not — revoco, I recant. Reason may explain everything else, but it cannot explain the work of the Spirit of God. And I really, truly, thank God for that. For it is written that I cannot enter the heaven, unless I am born again of the Spirit so that I turn from my sins and love God.
Now, God graciously forgives us of our sins in Christ when we confess and repent, but it has become increasingly plain to me over the weeks that to take hold of one’s salvation and work it out with fear and trembling is a very difficult thing. Not that salvation is by works or that grace is insufficient, but it is plainly biblical that if we truly belong to Christ, then we will see fruit and evidence of this. And I wasn’t sure anymore that I did. I prayed for mercy, that I might enter the kingdom of heaven as one barely escaping the flames.
Daily, I would repent and preach God’s forgiveness in Christ to myself, knowing that we are able to love God because He loved us first. Grasping the depth of God’s love for me in spite of my sin, how could I not love Him back?
But as I look back, I am inclined to think, that’s true but not quite. Because gratitude only gets you so far. Conviction of sin and the desire to change only get you so far. Responsibility only gets you so far. And inspiration, you guessed it, only gets you so far. Gratitude, conviction, responsibility and inspiration are temporary things. They are all wonderful things, but experience tells me they have no lasting power on their own. I’ve done them all, earnestly desiring to take hold of eternal life — reminding myself of God’s grace in Christ, confessing my sins in the fullness of their atrocity, (trying to) be a good steward with humble gratitude, remembering God’s past works.
Perhaps it may be said that I did not do a good job of these things and so they were ineffective. But as I see it, it all comes down to God’s mercy in the end.
If I could reason and tease out the mechanism by which God’s Spirit works to effect the new birth and the transformation and sanctification of the heart, then I ought not to have failed. But having still failed, I could only conclude that hey, I guess a bad tree just can’t produce good fruit, which leaves me at a pretty dead end.
The Spirit of God does not follow my reasoning, neither can I force His hand. Yet it is because God possesses kindness and mercy beyond all comprehension that, as I pray the same desperate prayer again without even enough faith to be confident I shall be heard, I am comforted.
Am I at God’s mercy? Always. Is He merciful? Yes. I hope in this — not only the mercy of God to forgive sins in Christ, but to make me and anyone else stand and not fall.
References: John 3:1-21; 1 Timothy 6:11-12; Philippians 2:12-13; Matthew 3:8, 7:16-20; 1 Corinthians 3:10-15; 1 John 4:7-19; Psalm 51; Isaiah 57:15; 2 Corinthians 18:22