Twilight Faith blog

I find that I feel apathetic much of the time. Then I beat myself up over it, confess, pray. Rinse, repeat. I have sometimes wondered why, even now as my eyes re-open to the fullness of God’s grace, that things are different from a year or two ago. I confess, I have not much heart for ministry these days.

I realized today while praying that the reason I don’t bother saying or doing or giving is because deep down, I don’t believe it will do any good. After all, I think, what good have my words ever accomplished, and what are even a few hundred dollars but a drop of water in the desert? You can call it having a poor imagination or being a doubting Thomas but whatever it is, it’s deadly. Perhaps this is why I get excited and passionate about ministry when and only when I am actually doing it (I’m using “ministry” in the broadest sense here), as opposed to thinking about it.

Deep down, I realized, I think that God won’t accomplish anything through me, for whatever reason. “I’m sorry for my unbelief God, I know that your Spirit works in and through and around us.” Then I was shocked. Because the next thought in my mind was this accusation. Does God work less hard than you do? Does He have no interest in your work? Does not the Lord care for His kingdom and His sheep much more than you do?

What can I say? For God knows the truth, and makes it known. It is easy for me to recognize my lack of faith and just confess it, but to judge God seems a far more severe crime. But isn’t that so often the cause for our discouragement, anger, bitterness, doubts and fears? I think we generally have a tendency to subject God to our own judgment, even as Job did.

Probably everyone suffers from discouragement in ministry from time to time. But surely God’s Spirit is always at work in the world to accomplish His purposes, for He cares much more for His kingdom and His sheep than you or I ever will. Let us not be discouraged then, but make the most of every opportunity by drawing on the strength we get from this continual hope in God. Furthermore, His presence is always with us, and all the authority of heaven stands behind us when we obey His commands.