So what now?
In case you’re wondering what I’m up to now, I’ve graduated and am looking for a job. I’ve told many of you that I want to be a missionary or do some kind of church ministry, and that I went to Kenya last sumer on missions and LOVED it. Work isn’t my first choice (I doubt it is for most people), even though I know that supporting myself (and others) to do God’s kingdom work is exactly what Paul and the early church did. Probably because in so many ways, being a missionary is easier, more exciting, and more rewarding than living a “normal” life.
I was praying about it perhaps a 2 or 3 months ago. God, you know I love the mission field, but my parents want me to work! Didn’t Jesus say to that man, “let the dead bury their own dead?” Isn’t it a good thing to leave home or father or mother for your sake? Lord, am I still supposed to honor my parents? How can I, when they reject you and want me to live according to the world’s ways, which you hate? I’ve struggled with this so much, for so long. Whether that command still applied when the parents are not believers. Where do you draw the line? But as I was praying, God reminded me of the greater command. Lord, you know how my mom tell family friends and all sorts of people about me. She asks them if it’s normal for someone religious to be so involved in the church and its activities. She says that no one thinks it’s normal. “You don’t have to be so involved”, as if I was only doing it because others expected it of me. God…… they must all think the church has robbed me of the familial affection and responsibilities expected of me. Asian culture is very family-oriented. What must they think of me? Of you Lord, if they believed in you? They can’t think well of the church either. O God! Because of me, your name is dishonored before so many! The realization hit me like a cement truck. And I cried.
When I first read Ezekiel 36:19-23 a long time ago, I was amazed. I don’t know how so much can be conveyed through so few words. I can’t forget it. And those words came to me now. I was convicted that I should work to be financially independent and no longer be a burden or worry to my parents… or a conversation topic that leaves a poor taste. And that means finding a job. In a few years, when I am able to support myself and others as well, perhaps God will call me away to the mission field.
I still don’t know what the difference is between this and the guy who said, “let me first bury my father” (Matthew 8, Luke 9). It was probably a cultural expectation at the time too, right? But I am sure that God’s name should not be dishonored because of what I do or fail to do. Let no one have anything bad to say about the Lord (Titus 2). If I am wrong about finding a job, then may God make it clear to me.